Orange Fever: Dispatches from the Front Lines of Northern California's Pumpkin Uprising
OCTOBER 11, 2024 — As the crisp tendrils of autumn begin to strangle the last gasps of summer, the denizens of Nevada City and its surrounding territories find themselves caught in the grip of a peculiar madness. The pumpkin fever descends, seizing the populace with an uncontrollable urge to partake in the bizarre ritual of gourd selection.
In this twisted landscape of agricultural torment, three infamous patches have risen to prominence, each offering its own unique brand of orange-tinted insanity. These pumpkin-laden hellscapes beckon to the unwary traveler, promising a cornucopia of autumnal delights and mind-bending experiences.
First on our journey into the heart of harvest darkness is Bierwagen’s Farm, a month-long bacchanal of pumpkin debauchery that runs throughout October. This family-friendly facade barely conceals the underlying chaos, where visitors stumble through fields of mutant squash and specialty pumpkins, their eyes glazed with the intoxicating fumes of fresh apples and cider. A snack shack stands as a lone bastion of sanity, offering sustenance to those who dare to brave the children’s play area – a swirling vortex of sugar-crazed youth. Beware, for in this realm of madness, even man’s best friend is cast out, banished to protect the delicate sensibilities of livestock and the unhinged masses alike.
For those with a true death wish, Bishop’s Pumpkin Farm in Wheatland offers an extended season of hysteria, running from September 7 to November 11, 2024. This sprawling compound of agrarian nightmares boasts a U-Pick field where the brave (or foolish) can test their mettle against the very earth itself. But the real circus begins with the menagerie of tortuous activities: a petting zoo that blurs the line between man and beast, a train that hurtles passengers into the void, and a corn maze that threatens to swallow the unwary whole. In a final twist of surreal horror, Bishop’s offers a “flying service” – a vague and ominous promise that hangs in the air like the scent of their homemade Pumpkin Apple Muffins, a culinary abomination that surely signals the end times.
Not to be outdone in this parade of pastoral perversity, Bierwagen’s Donner Trail Fruit and Pumpkin Patch emerges from the mists of Norden, a place where the restless spirits of pioneers past mingle with the living in a macabre harvest dance. Here, the lines between fruit and gourd blur in a hallucinogenic frenzy of apple and pear picking. Hayrides careen through the property, a stampede of straw and madness, while a corn maze stands ready to claim the souls of those foolish enough to enter its leafy labyrinth.
As the sun sets on this savage journey through the pumpkin patches of Northern California, one thing becomes clear: from the casual gourd-seeker to the hardened thrill-junkie, these patches offer a manic trip into the very heart of autumn’s madness. The only question that remains, dear reader, is whether you have the courage to stare into the orange abyss – and whether the abyss will blink first.